You know that feeling you get when you go on a long fun trip with a bunch of close friends, and then when the whole trip is over, you are left all alone at home? Everything suddenly becomes quiet again. You miss your friends; you miss being on that trip you just came back from, and you don't know if you should be happy or sad - that butterfly-ish feeling in your stomach?

I hate that feeling.

It's like when you have to face the ending of a great time. But you don't want it to end. Such as the ending note of a great musical; the final line of a great movie like Forrest Gump; or the very last sentence of the very last Harry Potter book.

It is that cadential moment of something great, and you want to hang on to it for as long as you possibly can. Emotional, you may describe it as.

After half a decade of being in college, studying the inner sciences of Music, the physical and spiritual aspects of organized pitch and sound, and the etiquette of musical performance, it was scary to suddenly realize that it was coming to an end.

Of course today as I am writing this, that moment I am describing happened over a month ago. Still, it lingers, like an awful aftertaste of eating durian mixed with ginger and soy sauce.

After my final recital was over, I felt a sense of relief. Finally, college life will be almost over. I still had one more final project to hand up, and then it would be officially over for me. No more exams, no more classes, no more memorizing, no more college (for now).

The emotional part came when I handed up my final project.

I packed up my documents very nicely into a big brown envelope. I wrote my name very neatly at the top left hand corner, together with my student ID number and the course code. I made sure every thing was there. I double-checked everything, closed the envelope, opened it again, then triple-checked everything. Yes, everything that was required of this project was inside. My CD, my booklet, my documentation, and my initial proposal. Everything was there. Smile. Sigh. Smile again, then bigger sigh.

I walked up to the office. Level 4, Block G. That is where we had to hand up our project. I slowly walked up, peeked through the glass door, saw my lecturer having his Burger King lunch with his wife.

Knock knock. "I would like to pass up my project".

And I handed it up. Just like that. I started to feel my heart shaking. Almost trembling. Maybe it was trembling. I don't know. I was too emotional to think.

Was it really happening? My last project - my last assignment - my last day as a student?

Yes, it was. And I was happy and sad. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't help feeling sad too. Happy, sad. I hate it when the two meet together. I don't like that feeling.

My lecturer asked me a few questions, the normal "will I like your project?" kind of questions. I then gave him some stuff that I had bought for him, as a way of saying thank you to him. He looked at my gifts while chewing his cheeseburger, and was fascinated.

I smiled, and walked out. Took a deep breath, and then a tear dropped.

Finally.

No longer will I be stepping into LASALLE's campus as a student.

There was this sense of accomplishment. And I wanted to just feel the awesome power of that very moment. Instead, I walked out of campus like any other day. I didn't even look back. I just kept walking.

Greater things lie ahead of me, I can feel it. But my past made me who I am today. I am proud of who I am today.

Happy.. sad.. I still hate it when the two meet.